Feeling rage, or even the one-notch lower anger, is a reason for
concern but not for alarm... Soni Sangwan explores the different levels
of anger; the various causes that lead to it and when to seek
professional help.
Who hasn't felt it, that fist clenching, teeth grinding, eyes blazing kind
of white hot rage that just makes you want to strike out? It could be at your spouse, your boss, your
colleague, your motherin-law, your maid or even just the driver of the car that has been tailgating you and
honking like crazy. It is a reason for concern when you feel anger but you need not be too worried about it.
You know that you need help when you just cannot control your anger; when you start acting out and your
angry outbursts get more frequent.
'Everyone gets angry. But that does not mean you need psychiatric help. The trouble starts when you cannot
control your anger. When you are getting violent, throwing things or losing control and screaming too much,
then you need to seek professional help,' says Dr Kesari Chavda, psychiatrist, PD Hinduja Hospital, Mumbai.
Remember the case of the BSP MP's dentist wife Jagriti Singh? She is in jail, facing charges for murder,
accused of torturing and beating her maid to death.
CCTV footage from her house and the statements of other helps working for her or who had left her
employment reveal that she was an almost sadistic person. She would treat her domestic help like animals,
making them move around on all fours and eat from a bowl without using their hands. There is footage
showing the dentist literally pouncing on the maid and grappling with her, throttling her and leaving her
gasping for breath. This is the maid who subsequently died. Investigators discovered that Jagriti was
frustrated with her life - her marriage was falling apart and her husband was living separately; her political
ambitions were also not bearing fruits. With everything spiralling out of control around her, the only thing
she was able to own was her domestic help. When she made them hop and jump to her command, she felt
empowered. Her anger with the circumstances in her life led to outbursts against the only people who were
too weak to fight back.
'Cases such as this are extreme and are the result of other deep-rooted psychiatric disorders. ("Normal")
Anger, however, is more common,' says Dr Chavda. Anuradha Bhasin (name changed), 34, is a Delhi-based
fashion designer by training. She had just started as an apprentice under a famous designer when her
parents got her married into a business family. 'Initially everyone in my husband's family was extremely
supportive, showing off to all their relatives that their daughter-in-law was a fashion designer. Soon there
was a subtle change in their attitude. I could feel that they did not like me working. Without any planning , I
got pregnant, and after the baby, there was just no question of my going out of the house,' she says.
Anuradha who had a dream of creating her own label saw herself performing little more than a decorative
role. Her husband never had time for her. Small issues at home started gaining too much importance. And,
her son was bearing the brunt.
If her husband returned home late, she would beat her son to sleep. If her mother-in-law said something, she
would slap him in front of her. Eventually her family took her to a psychiatrist and with counselling,
everyone came around to Anuradha returning to work. She now teaches at a nearby polytechnic twice a
week and doesn't feel frustrated as she has found an outlet for her creativity. While in Anuradha's case, the
reasons for her uncontrolled anger stemmed from her frustration with her life , a lot of us may be angry for
less dramatic reasons. Though it may seem unlikely, anger and irritability can often stem from underlying
physiological reasons. 'Before looking for psychological reasons for a person's angry outbursts, we first carry
out a complete physical examination.
Most people are not aware that iron deficiency may be the reason they feel angry all the time,' says Dr
Chavda. It is not just iron deficiency that can result in you feeling irritable and angry, but also a deficiency
of vitamin D and vitaminB12. 'Nutritional deficiencies can manifest in increased irritation and when this is
combined with lack of sleep, the irritation can get aggravated to unexplained angry outbursts,' says Dr
Chavda. When Mumbai-based 38-year-old homemaker Anjana Pandey was diagnosed with diabetes, one of
the fall-outs was that the smallest things would cause her to flare-up. 'I was constantly shouting at my maid
without even realising that I was being so harsh. It was only when she threatened to quit that I understood
that maybe by hitting out at the maid - the one person in the house who was most likely to take it lying
down - I was actually expressing my helplessness at getting afflicted with a disease that I would have to live
with for the rest of my life,' she says. Dr Chavda explains that anger is also a symptom of depression. 'When
depression turns outwards, it manifests in snapping and snarling at everyone around,' he says. Though it is
playing to stereotypes, there is some truth to the bitchy comment about a snarly boss - that she is probably
PMSing. Premenstrual Syndrome can cause intense mood swings as can Poly Cystic Ovarian Disease (PCOD).
It is only after all the physical reasons are ruled out that a psychological evaluation is done. Bipolar
disorder, where the patient swings from extremes of high excitement to intense lows, is very common.
'Medication can help bipolar people lead normal lives. But if medication is stopped midway, then a relapse is
possible and more difficult to treat,' says Dr Chavda. Given that all of us feel angry at some point of time, the
most important thing we have to know and acknowledge is when to seek help. 'Most patients come to us
because the people around them feel that they are losing their temper too often - that the episodes of "acting
out" are getting more frequent and increasing in intensity,' says Dr Chavda.
The Angry Young Woman Of New India
Overwhelmed: The modern Indian woman is in the middle of an identity crisis where she is feeling extremely
overwhelmed. She has high expectations from herself. She wants to be able to do everything. From being a
successful career woman to being a domestic goddess - she wants everything. But the reality of living in
India is that if she wants it all, she has to do it all herself. She gets little help from her man. Eventually,
when she realises that she cannot do everything and has to choose between career and home, often the latter
wins. But doing "just" housework leaves her feeling frustrated and her sense of self-worth plummets. This
makes her want to hit out.
Solution: Find fulfilment in whichever role you are performing.There is no harm in acknowledging that you
cannot do everything. There is no shame in compromise. Prioritise what is important; leave the rest.
Aspirational
Maladjustment: When her means do not allow her the aspirational lifestyle of her dreams, she tends to
become an angry young woman. Money, or the lack of it, can lead to a lot of frustration. When the
optimism of youth hits the harsh reality of the real world - the home truth that the world is not her oyster - it
hurts. Why is the dream holiday out of her reach? Why can't she have a new dress for every party? Why
does she have to move around in a small car when all her friends have chauffer driven luxury cars? Why
does her husband earn less than others?
When these questions start building up, nothing seems good enough and she wants to lash out. Solution:
Find joy in the small things in life. Remember, the most precious things in this life are the ones that cannot
be bought with money.
Intolerance: The modern Indian woman is no less than her male counterpart. She is better educated, she
earns more; she has broken every glass ceiling in the professional world. So why should she have to be the
only one to pick up the dishes; attend the PTA meeting, do the grocery shopping? When such issues arise, a
rigid and uncompromising attitude can make her angry.
Solution: Retain your perspective. No one wants you to be the doormat, but pick your battles. Let go of the
small stuff, but stick to your guns on real issues. The Angry Young Woman Of New India It is only after all
the physical reasons are ruled out that a psychological evaluation is done.
Bipolar disorder, where the patient swings from extremes of high excitement to intense lows, is very
common. 'Medication can help bipolar people lead normal lives. But if medication is stopped midway, then a
relapse is possible and more difficult to treat,' says Dr Chavda. Given that all of us feel angry at some point
of time, the most important thing we have to know and acknowledge is when to seek help. 'Most patients
come to us because the people around them feel that they are losing their temper too often - that the
episodes of "acting out" are getting more frequent and increasing in intensity,' says Dr Chavda.
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